I’ve Turned Into a Worry-wart
I have decided that it’s time to get out of this rut and pick myself up. No use worrying about my health since, as my doctors have said, worrying will do no good. We have no conclusive diagnosis yet and worrying over something that might not be there will be pointless.
For the longest time, I have been in denial that something is amiss with my health. I have a strong threshold for pain and so it is very easy for me to ignore symptoms even if they are recurring and are actually persistent.
Case in point, after I gave birth to my daughter; it took me two years before finally acknowledging that something was wrong with me. I felt pain somewhere in my body [not saying where though] but since I could still manage it, I completely ignored the warning signals… until the pain became so intense I could hardly get up from bed.
Turns out, it was something serious. So serious in fact that I needed to be operated on immediately.
So now, here I am again. Ignoring the warning signals and totally in denial that something’s wrong with my health. If I had not taken that darn abdominal ultrasound, I would still have continued to ignore the symptoms – never mind if I find myself bedridden on occasion.
Now that it’s looking at me straight in the face [well, at least the fact that something IS wrong], I still find myself in denial sometimes. I figured I’d just wake-up one day and all the symptoms will have vanished into thin air.
I still can’t believe though that the doctors found something.. or rather, some THINGS. [check out Another Trip to the Hospital] I am hoping that these are the last that they will find – that when I take my TVS [trans-vaginal sonogram/ultrasound] and my colonoscopy, they will find nothing else. [keeping my fingers crossed here]
I am still hoping that it’s all psychosomatic – something that I have insisted with my doctors from day 1; and which they have rejected quite adamantly, too, I might add.
Sigh… doctors, tests, check-ups.. when will they end?